Abigail Brady

The Government announced today a radical reform to the welfare system, the largest shakeup in 233 years since the Poor Law of 1601 was introduced. A new "eligibility" test will be introduced to ensure that people capable of working will have to, and a network of support organisations set up to provide help.

"In many cases the problem is not that there aren't jobs: there are", said the Secretary of State in a speech last night. "The problem is that people are too proud to take the jobs they can get. The way to solve this is to take pride out of the equation by utterly humiliating them."

The plans call for those claiming benefits at present to be divided into several categories. Those "genuinely physically unable to do manual work, such as quadriplegics" will continue to recieve payments to sustain themselves in the community - to be called "outdoor relief". The rest will be encouraged to find work - which they should be able to accept as because any work available should be more eligible than no work.

A network of "productivity homes" will be set up throughout the country, under local authority and faith control. These productivity homes will provide facilities for people who are unable to look after themselves or cannot find work. Those able to will be set to useful tasks to defray the cost of the productivity homes, which will also be funded by a tax on the rentable value of property within the local area. Residents of productivity homes will be confined to the house at all hours whilst living there, in order to prevent them secretly taking jobs. They will, of course, be free to leave entirely and move back into the wider society at any time.