I've really only just met you, but I can say in general that dating is unfortunately one of those things where success breeds success. If you've never been in a relationship, though, you probably lack a lot of attitudes that would make your dating chances a lot better: the deep confidence that you are attractive to at least a subset of people, the first-hand understanding of how romantic interactions work (and how they are subtly different from just liking someone and being attracted to them).
Also, people do have a certain expectation of how much relationship experience someone "should" have had by a certain life stage. They may not consciously hold the position that someone in their late 20s or early 30s with no relationship experience must have something wrong with them, but that can be a bias. Plus of course the older you get the greater the proportion of your social circle are already permanently coupled. I have definitely observed that a lot of people who are perfectly attractive and lovely have an unfairly hard time just because they were late joining the dating bandwagon.
I am no expert, but I suspect the only way to increase your chances of finding a partner is to expand your social circle in general. You need a certain critical mass of friends who will introduce you to more new people before you find someone you click with on a romantic level. It seems likely that putting yourself out there by expressing interest in people will let you project more of an aura of being available and potentially interested in romantic approaches.
Can you convince yourself that someone not wanting a romantic relationship with you doesn't mean they find you repulsive? Indeed, it's perfectly possible to stay friends with someone after discovering unrequited attraction. I know that's far easier to say than to actually get to that point psychologically, but pretty much all situations with the potential for starting relationships are also situations with the potential for being rejected, by definition.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 08:44 am (UTC)Also, people do have a certain expectation of how much relationship experience someone "should" have had by a certain life stage. They may not consciously hold the position that someone in their late 20s or early 30s with no relationship experience must have something wrong with them, but that can be a bias. Plus of course the older you get the greater the proportion of your social circle are already permanently coupled. I have definitely observed that a lot of people who are perfectly attractive and lovely have an unfairly hard time just because they were late joining the dating bandwagon.
I am no expert, but I suspect the only way to increase your chances of finding a partner is to expand your social circle in general. You need a certain critical mass of friends who will introduce you to more new people before you find someone you click with on a romantic level. It seems likely that putting yourself out there by expressing interest in people will let you project more of an aura of being available and potentially interested in romantic approaches.
Can you convince yourself that someone not wanting a romantic relationship with you doesn't mean they find you repulsive? Indeed, it's perfectly possible to stay friends with someone after discovering unrequited attraction. I know that's far easier to say than to actually get to that point psychologically, but pretty much all situations with the potential for starting relationships are also situations with the potential for being rejected, by definition.
I hope this isn't totally unhelpful!