(no subject)

[abigailbrady]

so. i am 29 this year. compared to where i was 10 years ago, i have changed a lot. i am a fully functioning adult human being with a job and a flat and friends and everything. this is good.

i have not ever been in a relationship/dated anyone. as an abstract concept this doesn't particularly upset me. i am, as noted above, a self-sufficient independent person. i can appreciate the argument that having had no relationships is better than having had bad ones. and y'know, if that was the end of the matter i don't think i'd be unhappy. but it's not.

because every so often someone makes the mistake of being nice to me. and i get painfully infatuated. and i then get rejected. and then i feel like shit for a few months, and then it happens again with someone else. i would like this to stop happening. if it could stop happening by someone actually liking me for a change this would be nice. it doesn't seem very likely though, does it?

people tell me they have no idea why people aren't interested in me, but that they are sure it is just coincidence. i don't believe that. there are clearly influencing factors. i am very worried that i'm missing huge chunks of appropriate human behaviour in my socialisation (i ought to have learned all this in my late teens/early 20s, when i was otherwise occupied), and this is just an area of life which will remain forever closed to me. this idea upsets me, because what little of it i have experienced i liked. i would like to have hope, but hope has caused pain.

i am left confused and upset.

so

• what is wrong with me?
  
• are people not interested in me because they assume i am happily single?
  
• are people not interested in me because they assume there must be something wrong with me?
  
• are in fact people interested in me and i am not noticing it? (note: if so please tell me)
  
• should i make effort to meet more new people?
  
• wouldn't it be better just to go and hide?
  
• am i just hanging out in the wrong social circle to meet people who might be interested in me?
  
• given how bad i am at dealing with rejection anyway, wouldn't it be a really terrible idea for me to put myself in a situation with even more potential for that?
  

in conclusion: argh. answers, suggestions and proposals welcome.

Comments

[spindr.livejournal.com]

Okay, so I've only met you once, but I've talked to you quite a bit over the years. Feel free to disregard my ramblings.

I can't think of anything wrong with you (apart from an unhealthy interest in mapping, natch), but in my experience, that doesn't mean anything in terms of coupling up; some of the genuinely nicest people I know are just *not* finding anyone and it baffles me, frankly.


One of the things I sometimes wonder is whether some of them are, for whatever reason - fear, shyness, "stuff" - socialise in a totally non sexual way. Erm, I've struggled to find the right way to put that and haven't succeeded...I mean that often there are subtle ways of socialising that, whilst not indicating interest, indicate not disinterest, or the possibility that if someone good came a long there could be interest.
Of course, I don't mean turning up with a plate of sandwiches, giggling and askign the room at large if they want some of your lovely baps (although that would be marvellous!); maybe I just mean having a very subtle undercurrent of flirtyness sometimes. Oh, I'm going to stop. I can't describe it, but I can often tell when it's missing iyswim. It's not nec person-targted, so if you know someone categorically doesn't fancy you, you can still observe the attitude.

Oh, who'd have thought I communicate for a living? I give up!

But, ooh, I'd have thought that if you're crap at rejection getting used it in bulk via a dating thingy would be good; water off a duck's back after a while....and then, bingo, the no-rejection comes. I think these sites give you athick skin fast!

[abigailb.livejournal.com]

Me lacking the mysterious unexplainable flirtiness sheen would explain a lot. Where can I obtain a spray-can of the stuff?

Dating websites seriously scare me. I would be seriously traumatised by the bulk rejection! I suspect speed dating would make me cry for a decade.

[psych0naut.livejournal.com]

Me lacking the mysterious unexplainable flirtiness sheen would explain a lot. Where can I obtain a spray-can of the stuff?

It's available, but trust me, you don't want it. See the first episode of Bottom, "Smells".

[abigailb.livejournal.com]

i was thinking more season 2 episode 16 of buffy.