abigailbrady | (no subject)

so. i am 29 this year. compared to where i was 10 years ago, i have changed a lot. i am a fully functioning adult human being with a job and a flat and friends and everything. this is good.

i have not ever been in a relationship/dated anyone. as an abstract concept this doesn't particularly upset me. i am, as noted above, a self-sufficient independent person. i can appreciate the argument that having had no relationships is better than having had bad ones. and y'know, if that was the end of the matter i don't think i'd be unhappy. but it's not.

because every so often someone makes the mistake of being nice to me. and i get painfully infatuated. and i then get rejected. and then i feel like shit for a few months, and then it happens again with someone else. i would like this to stop happening. if it could stop happening by someone actually liking me for a change this would be nice. it doesn't seem very likely though, does it?

people tell me they have no idea why people aren't interested in me, but that they are sure it is just coincidence. i don't believe that. there are clearly influencing factors. i am very worried that i'm missing huge chunks of appropriate human behaviour in my socialisation (i ought to have learned all this in my late teens/early 20s, when i was otherwise occupied), and this is just an area of life which will remain forever closed to me. this idea upsets me, because what little of it i have experienced i liked. i would like to have hope, but hope has caused pain.

i am left confused and upset.

so

what is wrong with me?
are people not interested in me because they assume i am happily single?
are people not interested in me because they assume there must be something wrong with me?
are in fact people interested in me and i am not noticing it? (note: if so please tell me)
should i make effort to meet more new people?
wouldn't it be better just to go and hide?
am i just hanging out in the wrong social circle to meet people who might be interested in me?
given how bad i am at dealing with rejection anyway, wouldn't it be a really terrible idea for me to put myself in a situation with even more potential for that?

in conclusion: argh. answers, suggestions and proposals welcome.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This is very true. I wonder how much it narrows the pool. I daresay more than people would admit.

There are dating sites which cater to transgendered people (and to people of any gender status who are happy to date them). Perhaps these are worth investigating, as you can be reasonably sure that no one who contacts you through such a site is going to be turned off by any gender issues. I've visited such sites but haven't otherwise used them myself so I can't say if they, or which of them, are any good (as in, are likely to get you in touch with potential romantic partners).

Frankly, eep! People specifically interested in trans people (a) scary, (b) likely to be looking for something I cannot provide anyway.

Not necessarily. Some people interested in trans people are certainly just looking for sexual titillation (not that that's necessarily a bad thing), but others are just as sincere about pursuing a meaningful, romantic relationship as anyone. Personally I'd be just as happy dating a transgendered female as a non-transgendered one; I don't see this (and hope a potential partner wouldn't see this) as a scary aberration so much as simple impartiality about what is, or used to be, between their legs. While I am attracted exclusively to females, I'm infinitely more interested in their personality and, as far as physical attributes go, their face, then in their genitals and sex chromosomes.